Cancer Schmancer Reblogged from a school assignment last summer

"You look like a cancer patient."

I say that every time my husband gets a haircut.

I used to say things like...

Oh dont think you are going to die and leave me with all these kids.

It may not sound funny to you.

In fact you may not think Cancer is funny at all.

But let me tell you something, for a few months in 1993, I had the funniest cancer jokes you would never hear.

I cant remember even one of them now but a few weeks ago when we thought the cancer may have come back... so did my comedy routine.

I am not sure what makes me funny when Cancer is around. I guess it is my way of saying Screw You Cancer. I am still laughing and you cant take that away.

I got married when I was 18. I had my first child at 19, my second at 20, my third at 25 and my fourth at 27.

The only reason I got to have a fourth child is because of Dr. Boland, the GOD of our world.

Dr. Boland saved my husbands life.

From a cancer that had only affected 8 people at the time.

It is called synovial sarcoma and it is very rare.

My husband, Patrick, was my high school sweetheart and is the love of my life.

I met him when I was 13, became friends with him at 15 and started dating him at 16.

He joined the Navy so we could have a better life and I couldnt wait until we could finally be together.

In bootcamp he hurt his hand doing drills with his gun.

The Navy doctors diagnosed him with everything from tendonitis to "it's all in your head" itis.

The pain got increasingly worse and he started to avoid using it.

At one point a doctor prescribed steroid shots and they injected his tumor with miracle grow.

Some Captain decided to operate because it was swelling up and he pulled out a fatty mass that they still claim wasnt cancer.

Captain Idiot operated on a Friday morning, went to his retirement ceremony that afternoon and left the Navy.

He never left any instructions for the hospital personnel so they never gave Patrick any pain medicine after the surgery.

When I got there to visit him after the surgery he was screaming in pain. The officers who were doctors, RN's and other nurses said "Stop screaming and address me as sir".

He was completely denied pain killers and the bandages were never changed because... it didnt say that in his papers.

So 2 weeks later when he went back for his follow up, he had gangrene in his hand.

He needed another surgery to fix the damage.

Only in the past few years have we discovered that this is what most likely caused the cancer.

The pain never went away and he stopped using his hand completely. He started to have back trouble because his whole left side was atrophied.

Another doctor thought he could fix it by operating again.

After surgery #3 we decided the medical care of the United States Navy wasnt for us.

He faked being well to stay in until he completed his four years.

He was given an Honorable Discharge from the United States Navy on March 5th 1989.

The pain in his hand got worse and worse until some days it was unbearable.

He sought medical care at Stony Brook University where without an X-ray or Cat Scan they began physical therapy and more injections into what we would soon find out was a tumor.

I was 9 months pregnant with my third child when we ran into our doctor at a Lamaze Class. He told Patrick to come and see him about the hand. He recommended him to a hand specialist who took one look at it and said this is scar tissue and we need to fix it.

My daughter was born June 7th 1993 and on July 14th my husband went into surgery for the fourth time.

I told him it was just so he didnt have to change any diapers and I thought it was a ridiculous plan to get away with that.

On July 15th, the doctor called me at home and said "Uh, Um, Uh, I dont know what this is".

I was so confused.

He said "Well we should test this just to be sure"

Test what I thought.

Like a tumor I said.

Yes.

Ok go ahead, I said.

I didnt really believe it could possibly be cancer because people do not have cancer for 9 years just laying dormant in his body. Cancer would have killed you by then, right?

Each time we visited the hand specialist we waited for the results, but these things take time they said.

One visit I was nursing Daughter 3 in the car before we went into the appointment.

Patrick said he would go in and wait for me there.

No no I said wait for me.

No we are late anyway I will just go in I will probably be done before you.

When Patrick arrived without me Dr. Liebowitz said "Where's Nancy?"

In the car.

Lets wait the doctor said.

No go ahead said Pat.

Dr. Liebowtz started to cry.

Wow that is never good.

By the time I walk in Dr. L is crying, Pat is as white as a ghost and I have no idea what is going on.

Dr. Liebowitz tells us the name of the cancer and we dont hear anything after that.

Synovial Sarcoma blah blah blah..

He tells us that if he or anyone in his family had cancer he would go straight to Sloan Kettering.

He picked up the phone in his office and called Sloan Kettering and we had an appointment in three days.

That is when we met Dr. Boland. He is a tall, white haired man with an Irish brogue.

He wanted to run his own tests but he thought Huntingon Hospital probably got it right.

This cancer is very tricky he said.

It lays dormant in your body for a long time.

Then it spreads, quickly.

We didnt know then if it had spread or if it was contained in his hand.

I wanted to know the worst case scenario but Pat and our dads werent so sure.

Lets wait, they all said.

No I want to know what to expect.

Dr. Boland said "Well we probably wont have to amputate the whole arm, most likely just the hand or up to the elbow"

I was shocked to find out that amputation was still being used as a way to treat anything.

What about chemo, radiation...

That doesnt work on this kind of cancer.

It has to be cut out.

He went for a million tests and scans.

All the news was good from the initial diagnosis.

The cancer hadnt spread, it was just wrapped up into his pointer and middle finger in his left hand.

He had surgery on August 17th 1993, getting out of changing diapers indefinitely at that point.

At the time of surgery they didnt know how much cancer was in there. If it is too far into his hand we will take the whole thing until we see a clear margin.

He ended up having two fingers and half of his left hand amputated.

He was an electrician and thankfully worked for an incredible company that allowed him to come back slowly and figure out how to wire neon signs without fingers.

It has been a struggle.

Synovial Sarcoma is a cancer that never stays away. In other cancers you feel somewhat safe at 10 years. This is when synovial sarcoma comes back.

He has gone to see our GOD Dr. Boland in Sloan Kettering first every 3 months, then every 6 months, now every year.

At last years visit, Dr. Boland said you know its been 15 years and I thought we could say goodbye to you but we just had someone have a recurrence after 15 years.

The survival rate of this cancer was .17 percent. It has gone up a little over the years but still...

I tease him all the time, is that just you?

Cancer has changed Patrick's life but it has changed our whole family.

Our fourth daughter knows she wouldnt be here without Dr. Boland.

I know this story is long and I am thankful to anyone who took the time to read it.

I could go on and on with so many stories but there is just one lesson I want to share.

Healing Lesson #1

Cancer has changed our lives. There was a time when getting stuck in line would freak me out and I would be so annoyed. I try now to always just be grateful for the moment. For the chance to spend time with the ones I love and know that they may not be here forever. Life is too short to worry about things that you cannot change.

When the cesspool backed up at 2:30pm on Christmas Eve, we laughed, called desperately until we found someone nice enough to come over. When our daughter, weeks after she passed her road test, backed one of our cars into the other in the driveway on her way out to get oreos and milk, I laughed. And when I stopped laughing I realized the real tragedy. "You arent going to get oreos now are you?"
Then I cried.

I cant teach anyone to appreciate life like I have learned to with the love of my life almost being taken from me. All I can tell you is that if you knew the person you loved would be gone tomorrow would you be so quick to yell that he didnt change the toilet paper roll or dragged mud in on his shoes?

There is always a chance his cancer could come back. He has two lumps in his arm right now that they are monitoring. Any day our lives could change and we could be back to spending our days at Sloan Kettering waiting for test results. We never know and that is why we make every moment count.

When we cut out of work early or spend our entire savings on a vacation, when we spend our last dollar on going to a movie or taking the kids for ice cream... I know this is the right thing to do because I am sure that if I found out tomorrow that I only had a week to live I would not wish that I spent more time at work or saved a dollar and missed out on making a memory, which may be all we have left after someone is taken without warning.

Here is picture of Patrick on our recent trip to Jamaica. You can see where his fingers were amputated. We went to celebrate, 25 years together and our oldest daughters graduation from college, our second daughters return from a semester in Spain, our third daughters Sweet 16 and our fourth daughters graduation from middle school. It's all good and even when our flight was delayed and they lost our luggage and it rained every day... we were together and no cancer could ever take that away.



If you are ever looking for a charity to support please donate to Sloan kettering. You can click on the link above to see their website. They saved my husbands life and they made the journey as painless as possible. They are truly wonderful people who run an amazing hospital.