Sitting on the dock of the bay...wasting time

So I have been sitting here on a Sunday morning, rereading old blog posts, remembering how funny I was and crying because even three years ago I was agonizing over the doomed EMPTY NEST syndrome. I started blogging because I thought I was losing my mind. I dont know why I stopped. But since yesterday I woke up and my clothes were on inside out, the way I had clearly put them on the night before and I ordered D4s graduation invitations with the wrong date and so I guess I have a renewed sense of getting my stories on paper so that they arent gone forever. Plus I am sure starting a new job, going to school full time and commuting 6 hours a day will not be enough to keep me from the voices in my head that keeps saying "Your kids are gone, your kids are gone". Wow, I am not funny anymore. I am just dark and disturbing. In any case, most of my stories are contained in the blog whatwouldnancydo.blogspot.com if anyone cares. Who am I even talking to anyway? Myself? Oh man, another reason I might be crazy.

Home Alone Repost from July 2009

REposted from SUNDAY, JULY 19, 2009

Home Alone

Did you ever see Home Alone?

That is me. I am home alone.

I mean not really. D1 is upstairs but she is leaving for work at 715am. Hubby is leaving at the same time. D2 is in Washington DC in her new apartment. D3 is away at camp until August 1st and D4 is vacationing with her friend in Myrtle Beach.

What shall I do with my aloneness?

Shall I clean the house?

No I have no helpers. I mean D1 helped cook and clear the table but I did the dishes. Is this what my life is going to be like when they leave for good? Me with all the chores.

I knew I had a lot of kids for a reason. Why is it getting so close to the empty nest? I am not ready. I mean I did lay outside all day. I ate when I was hungry and I went food shopping for 3 instead of 6. I didnt save any money though because I bought more expensive food.

Porterhouse steaks, roasted potatoes, cheesy bread, tomato and mozzarella salad and grilled vegetables.

And when D1 went to do laundry, there wasnt any. Granted I did all the laundry on Thursday but seriously... no laundry. I didnt even know those 2 words could be next to each other.

So here I am home alone at 11pm and what I am doing? Blogging. Answering email. Wishing someone was home to get me a bowl of cherries.

No helpers, no slaves, no one to talk girl talk to because hubby is a boy and clearly does not understand the merits of obsessing over certain subjects.

I miss my kids. Not just now but when they were little. I miss my life. The one I planned with lots of kids and fun. Not quiet. That is not fun at all.

Maybe I should start planning some tricks like Mulcalhy Culkin did in Home Alone. Watch out Hubby and D1.

The games shall begin.

Good thing Clover loves me.

Where the F@#$ have I been for the last 2 years?

What in the world have I been doing for the last 2 years? Seriously. How for the life of me have I had so many great thoughts, funny ideas, important advice to give and kept it to myself. It sounds impossible right? I guess going back to school kept me pretty busy. And working. I had less kids home so that couldn't be it. I am not sure really what happened to me and my bright, sunny outlook on life. Actually I do know but I am not ready to talk about it yet. I might, down the road, tell stories that seem demented and sick but that I find funny. For now though, I am back to blogging, back to funny stories, back to advice and back to me. I hope. What if after all these years I somehow became unfunny? What if my outdated and inappropriate humor fails me? I guess we are going to find out though. Together.... Here I am, back in the saddle again, sharing my life, for whatever reason people feel the need to share personal stories.... I guess its the same reason I talk to strangers on the train, I just like to share and get to know people.... and this is how I am going to do it. Ta Ta for now, but watch out world, here I come......