Signs, signs everywhere there's signs...

Do you believe in signs? Ghosts? Angels?

I always have and while I dont always know what they all mean I am sure it is me who is just not understanding it clearly but if I just put all the pieces together maybe something will make sense.

A few days ago at work I referenced the story of the tortoise and the hare when I said to my friend Mike, something like slow and steady wins the race and he said "Really?" and I said no probably not but that is how we have been feeling at work, like tortoises. We burned ourselves out with our superior customer service during the holidays making sure all the overweight white trash women in the south got their bears. Now we are fried.

And we feel like eventually we will catch up again, slowly and surely. yeah except Mike had to bail us out yesterday of a giant hole but its all good now. Slow and steady.

So in the car yesterday D#3 tells me how they are studying the story of the Tortoise and the Hare in English to show how lifes lessons are taught through literature. Second reference, ok, a little wierd but probably just coincidence.

At work yesterday I proudly displayed my Biggest Loser calendar which is supposed to give Ellen and I inspirational tips for losing weight. Other than "Have your mouth wired shut" I dont have much hope for these little tips but in any case, being totally unable to follow the rules I looked ahead a few days on the calendar and it went on and on about the tortoise and the hare and in weight loss the only way to really lose is slow and steady, all tortoise, no stomach stapling, diet pill addict, liquid dieting hare. Just tortoise... slowly chewing lettuce. UHHH

So today I am sitting in my new morning spot McDonalds, and I am reading the second book for my memoir class and low and behold I get to this part and... yeah you guessed it The tortoise and the hare story.

Now I know you are thinking the same thing as me, what does this all mean. Is it that turtle soup is better for weight loss than Rabbit Stew?

Oh that isnt what you were thinking...

Well last night before this 4th reference hubby thought it meant I should walk to
7-11, which is like a mile away and buy a lottery ticket for last nights drawing. I assured him if it meant walking to 7-11 it was for Ben and Jerrys and not no stinking losing lottery ticket.

Slow and steady... what could this possibly mean.

Well for one yesterday my Wii Fit insulted me, like it does everyday by asking me why I thought I was so fat. No really it did. and then it gives you choices, do you eat too much?, do you snack alot? do you exercise too little? Well because there was no All of the Above answer I answered eat too much because I think that is the most damaging and it said maybe you should slow down and chew your food slower.

Then when I was trying to beat D#4's score on the dancing game, it said maybe you could improve your rhythm by stepping off the balance board slower. Really Wii Fit, maybe I should put you in the blender and watch you grind up into little tiny pieces and laugh out loud, oh you silly Wii fit maybe you should break apart a little slower.

I guess slow and steady does have a lot of meaning in my world. I am finishing school, trying to pay off debt and trying to lose weight. All those things I guess will take time but I have trouble with that...time....

when Hubby got cancer time changed for me. It really did. The future to me is always uncertain. Always. No matter how many years go by and how healthy hubby is, I will never make the mistake of wasting a moment today on something that I could easily avoid until tomorrow when it doesnt suit me.

I dont wanna....I dont wanna...That is my mantra. Actually is Ellens mantra but I am sure she wont mind if I stole it.

I envy the tortoise, having the ability to see the goal, see the future ahead and work at an even pace until he gets there. On the other hand, I love the Hare, Oh wait there is something I want, let me go full speed ahead until I get it...Oh wait something shiny. Distractions, beautiful, sweet, procrastinating distractions.

They both have their place in my life. I know I have to lose weight, I am just unhealthy and that is bad. But the long road ahead is too far for me to see. I need results. when the Wii told me last night I had gained 1.8 lbs this week, since Monday, I wanted to eat a candy bar. Slow and Steady? Screw you. Forget it.

But I resisted. And now I will dedicate myself to the long road of losing weight and hope I can slowly and steadily lose weight. Yes a sausage mcmuffin with egg is on the diet. It only has 300 calories. Yeah it says so on the wrapper.

Somehow though I want to race ahead full speed, spend all my waking moments playing the balance games on the Wii Fit and trying to break all the records and knock all the kids off the top spots.

Either way...I will spend the next few days obsessing over this sign from above or below or somewhere or someone else and maybe i will realize what it means or maybe I wont realize until years later, this is how signs are. Sometimes they reveal themselves, sometimes it takes forever. You are lucky if you get to see what the signs in your lifetime mean.

I know why hubby had cancer, I dont know why Tizzy fell or Jeff died, I dont know why my kids had to suffer through such tragedy but maybe someday I will understand the tortoise and the hare.

But for now I will look out for turtles and bunnies and make sure they arent sneaking into my house at night resetting my scales and taking up the top spots on the Wii.

Oh no you silly wabbit, Wiis are for kids.

Do you remember the times of your life? Blog from last year this week

Good morning, yesterday
You wake up and time has slipped away
And suddenly it's hard to find
The memories you left behind
Remember, do you remember

The laughter and the tears
The shadows of misty yesteryears
The good times and the bad you've seen
And all the others in between
Remember, do you remember
The times of your life (do you remember)

Reach back for the joy and the sorrow
Put them away in your mind
The mem'ries are time that you borrow
To spend when you get to tomorrow

Here comes the saddest part (comes the saddest part)
The seasons are passing one by one
So gather moments while you may
Collect the dreams you dream today
Remember, will you remember
The times of your life

Gather moments while you may
Collect the dreams you dream today
Remember, will you remember
The times of your life
Of your life
Of your life

Do you remember, baby
Do you remember the times of your life
Do you remember, baby
Do you remember the times of your life

"I dont know if you guys understand how much I appreciate and respect you both. You are always there for me and I am so lucky for that....I'm glad youve never given me away and although you've probably thought about it many many times before I'm oober glad you didnt" D4

"You teach me how to be the person I want to be. You are wonderful amazing people and I could not ask for better parents ever....I hope you both know how amazing you are and how amazing you are together" D3

"I have so much respect for you two and appreciate the respect you always have for me to allow me to make my own mistakes and decisions and learn from them. I feel so sad for everyone who doesnt have you two as parents. No one can possibly understand the loyalty and love we share in our home." D2

"Twenty three years and for twenty one of those you two have been the greatest parents someone could ask for. The example you have set for all of us is amazing.I know I speak for all my sisters when I say that we all hope to one day have a relationship just as successful as yours....so much of what makes you good parents are the small things that most people dont even notice." D1

"I wish I had a blog so I could write all the great things about you...I did want to reply to "What makes a man husband worthy?" with "What makes a woman wife worthy?" but I realized just saying "Marry Nancy" would be weird and unattainable since I took you off the market" Hubby

These are excerpts from letters that my family wrote to me as a surprise for our anniversary. Hubby had each of the girls write us a letter and D4 printed them out on beautiful paper. they were presented to me at my favorite restaurant along with 2 dozen of the most beautiful flowers and our wedding candle.





Since we have been married, hubby has been buying me a rose for each year we were married. These roses were waiting on the table for me when we arrived at the restaurant, Paces Steakhouse in Port Jefferson. We have not been there in four years. I cant believe I have lived that long without cold crab cocktail and the best filet mignon I have ever had.

The candle was given to us by the reverand that married us when we eloped in December of 1985. His name was Reverand Wentz and he had a little chapel in Freeport. We have burned a little of it each year but we are thinking it might be like the chanukah oil and last forever, even though it is about halfway burned now.

So we arrive to this beautiful table right by the window overlooking Port Jefferson and all the holiday lights. After a little toasting ourselves and how amazing we are, the maitre d brings out these envelopes. And they each contain letters to us from our girls. I just included little bits and pieces here but all four letters were heartfelt and precious. I felt an overwhelming sense of pride(and not like John Mccain felt for Sarah Palin). I felt proud of the people they have become partly with our influence but also because of the paths they have chosen and the hard work it has taken to get there.

And the card from hubby was titled "I want to share life's journey with you".

I almost feel speechless about this whole thing.

I know you would be worried about me if I didnt have more to say, but really I am totally taken aback at how special of a night this was.

I said to Hubby, I love you every single day of my life. And he said Well not every single day. And I agreed that the snoring takes away about 5 % of my love for him. I know it seems like a lot but sleep is seriously important and without it I am starting to be more forgetful than usual.

When we eloped 23 years ago, we had no idea what this journey would be like. We each knew we loved each other, had a committment to each other and respected each others feelings. The things that happen over the years are the things that kill relationships and make them painful and miserable. We get comfortable, lazy, complacent and that breeds contempt and taking someone for granted.(Dont take New Hampshire for Granite)(Thats a private joke for hubby)

The thing that makes Hubby so special is how far he is willing to go for my happiness. For cheeseburgers at midnight to hugging the maitre d. He steps outside his comfort zone and wants only to make me happy.

I am having trouble finding the right words here.

We were 18 and 19 when we got married. No one could possible know enough about life at that point to get married. I knew he was cool, had gorgeous hair and was heading into the Navy. He knew I could be mean, was going to Stony Brook and drove a cool 1972 Cutlass.

I kid around here but how much can you know about a person when they are that age. Could you possibly know that they would stick up for an entire staff of people just because it was the right thing to do? And get fired for it? do you know he would ride miles and miles uphill both ways on a bike in San Diego only to have you pass out at a swap meet? Could you know that he would respect your religious beliefs even though they are completely wrong and out to lunch and buy you a perfect stained glass jewish star for your window on your first celebrated Chanukah?

Could you ever know the way his face looked the day you gave birth? Four times, he had the same look. It is indescribable. Joy and love and pride. He treasured each child and finds ways to connect with them individually. How could you know that he would be the perfect "girl daddy"? And I am sure he would have been the perfect boy daddy too but luckily for us we never had to find out.

He has held my hair when I threw up, watched me go from a tiny little teenager to a middle aged fat woman and he has looked at me with the same love in his eyes the whole time. (except when I ran over his foot)

It is beautiful and new at the beginning. You meet, fall in love, spend time together and it is all good. You dont get to see the bad stuff right away, like how he acts around his parents or his friends. You dont know if he will be a hard worker and work two or more jobs his whole life so you can stay home and raise your children. You dont know if he will love you after all the unpleasant things like bad breath, and onion skin, and stomach viruses. You dont know that at the beginning.

In the last 23 years I am not sure there is anything in this world that hasnt happened to our family. Well we havent won lotto, hey wait I didnt check my numbers this morning. I could be the winner of 207 million dollars.

And you know what...not much would change. We would have nicer possessions but the letters that came from my daughters and hubby, those are priceless and no stinkin lottery is going to change that.

We have live through life and death, more times than is humanly imagineable. We have witnessed marriages and divorces and births and illness. Each of us has had at least one life threatening surgery. Each one of us has dealt with dissapointment and regret.

On nights like last one, it is easy to love someone. there was wine and conversation and flowers.

It is the days that you wake up and there is no heat and it is 18 degrees in the house and you bundle up, make hot coffee and chat while you wait for the heating repair man that then you know.

He is it. The man of your dreams, keeper of your world, life partner and husband extrodinare. He is your prince charming, the lenny to your squiggy, the laverne to your shirley, the brad pitt to your angelina jolie.

Time has gone by and every moment we have had together, be it good, bad or ugly, has been what makes us a perfect team.


He loves me...


and I let him...


Its all good....

I Believe... My quest against the Unicorn Slayers.

I believe in true love, love at first sight and love for eternity.

I believe that you can be in love at any age and any time and even if the Unicorn Slayers try to tell you that you are too young, too old, too far away or too involved, it doesnt matter. True Love prevails.

I believe that love can conquer pain and suffering and that having love in your life eases the burden of lifes unfair moments.

I believe that my unicorn can carry me off to faraway places and even to my castle where I would have tea with the pegasus', the other unicorns and some of the ogres that need our help to learn to love.

I am aware that Unicorn Slayers dont understand my beliefs and I do not understand theirs. But I respect their right to believe it. As long as they stop slaying my unicorns.

There is so much ugliness in the world and also so much beauty. Sometimes it is easy to take the path of least resistance and watch the world go by dreary and dark. The harder part is to reach outside of that comfort and change and grow. And look for the beauty in ugly moments.

I have been through some enormous life changing unpleasant catastrophic events in my life. And yet on most days I look to my unicorn, my fantasy world to bring me some peace.

I believe that no one should ever tell you what to feel or how to think and when they dont agree they could say "Well i dont agree with that, why do you feel that way"

I believe that our life is a series of relationships, some for a reason, a season or a lifetime. You take away a piece of each of those relationships, you practice being different things and then when the time is right, whenever that is, you find the person that you are meant to be with.

I found that person when I was 16. I had dated a lot of boys and never felt the way I do about Hubby. Even after we found each other and people insisted that I could not possibly know what love is, I never met anyone who helped me become the person I wanted to be as much as Hubby.I met others, I looked, but always the love of my life was right in front of my eyes. And he loved me back.

It wasnt easy.We were far apart for a long time. Absence makes the heart grow fonder but then absence lets you forget how special that person is too.

"They said, I'll bet, they'll never make it but just look at us holding on, we're still together, still going strong"



I wish and hope that my girls find this kind of love. Magical love. Unicorn flying love. Eating lobster together at 2am love.

If they find it at 16, or 25 or 40, grab the opportunity, it wont matter if you wait for the right time, place, love doesnt wait and sometimes circumstances only give us a short amount of time to experience it. Time may not be kind, but we can cheat time by jumping in and grabbing hold of what we can when love presents itself.

You may not agree with me and that is find but stop slaying my unicorns, they exist for me and people like me and we dont want your angry, cynical, bitterness bringing us down. Go back to Ogreville and comiserate with your fellow ogres.

I am Superwoman

I am Superwoman

So my kids think I am Superwoman.

I learned this most recently when I was dying Daughter #4's hair pink. I said you know I don’t really know how to dye hair. Of course you do Mom you can do anything D4 said.

I think they may have gotten this idea from the fact that I spent most of the summer recruiting them to do home projects that I had never done before. We ceramic tiled the bathroom, painted vaulted ceilings that were about 15 feet high with a stepladder and landscaped the yard.

Maybe I have always led them and many others to believe I am Superwoman. It has been like my claim to fame. Oh sure Nancy can do that. A Belle or Jasmine Halloween costume? Sure I will whip it up on my sewing machine. Clouds painted on the ceiling? Absolutely. Cupcakes for 90? What color icing?

Daughter #3 often wants to play the game "Fix my problems". I always win.

Just this morning we were listening to a Sheryl Crow song about God. I don’t recall the words but they were like talk to the one you love, talk to the one who made you, talk to the one who can make it right... something like that. D3 thought the song was about Moms.

My girls have watched me simultaneously breastfeed an infant, help with homework and cook a 7-course meal, all while talking on the phone.

There’s no need to fear... Oh wait that’s Underdog, not superwoman.

In any case, maybe I have made it look too easy. When hubby was working full time and bartending on the weekends, I didn’t want him to be bothered with any of the lawn care. So I took out the ride on mower, put the smallest kid on my lap and mowed the back 40. Ok so we don’t have 40 acres, maybe just a half, but it was hard work.

Then I would get out the weedwacker and trim the bushes... blah blah blah the list went on and on.

Hubby has become so allergic to poison ivy in the last few years that the doctor actually wrote on the paperwork last time "No Gardening Ever". We hired a landscaper to cut the lawn but the weeds and the bushes, all me. I spent an entire day a few weeks ago taking small trees out, digging with worms, pulling out weeds, dragging it all to the curb. I actually sweated and smelled. And I am opposed to that stuff. Sweating and Smelling.

I used to give the best parties. We were reminiscing recently about some of them. A wizard of Oz party, complete with flying monkeys, an over the rainbow 7 layer cake, a house dropped on my sister (hahaha), a yellow brick road...

Another party I gave was a hungry caterpillar party based on the Eric Carle book. In the book, the hungry caterpillar eats so much stuff each day and then gets in his cocoon and becomes a butterfly. I had all the food cut into little pieces and then I drew all the pages of the book on poster board. I read the story as we served each piece of food and when they were all done I had them go into a tent I had set up in the backyard and I had one of my older daughters pin butterfly wings that I made out of tissue paper on their back.

Superwoman or Stupidwoman... I am not sure.

My kids have often told me the night before... I need posters to win student council. That means a creative idea and then me staying up until midnight making the posters. I think D4's Snapple facts one was pretty cool, although I do remember a Rugrats poster that put all the other posters to shame.

So was this helpful to them or detrimental? Should I have stayed the princess I always wanted to be and waited for a man to help me get it done? Um No!

I have sacrificed a lot being Superwoman. My hand was always the first raised to volunteer for everything, countless class mothers, coaching and of course girl scout leader to all 4 girls. I spent every waking moment doing stuff for other people.

Part of the problem was I didn’t know how to say no.

During my long years of therapy, my therapist wanted to know why? Why do I have every holiday at my house, cook everything from scratch and never let anyone do anything? I am really better at it than anyone else, I say. So, she says. What would happen if you didn’t make fudge this year? Oh My God, I scream. I don’t know what would happen. People would be devastated if they didn’t get to eat my fudge this year. Really would they she asks. Or would they be like Ok Nancy didn’t make fudge. Maybe this year she actually sat down and ate some store bought cake for dessert.

Let me tell you...it has taken me 5 years of therapy, lots and lots of dollars of therapy and lots of work...

And I still have trouble with it. I still want to have these super parties that people rave about and I still want people to talk about how amazing I am, and I still want to do everything for every holiday because I really do do it better.

But I did learn that the sacrifice I had been making for all these years was not necessarily a healthy one. There is a power to being great at everything, but there is also a power in saying today I am worrying about me and mine. Today I cannot participate in the bake sale or help with the craft fair. Today I am staying home and laying on the swing with my kids and laughing and joking.

So maybe I have hidden my cape in the closet. I may not need it for a while.

I'm not a doctor but I play one on TV

I have raved a little about Sloan Kettering but basically if you dont know what it is, it is the number one cancer hospital in the country and maybe even the world. They have saved two special people that I know with the most rare cancers and that makes me believe that they are the best.

I am sure people have had experiences that make them believe that it may not be the best cancer hospital but I have to go on my own experience and it has always been amazing.

Except of course for the long hours of waiting and the fact that when you go there you have CANCER!!

So Hubby was diagnosed with Synovial Sarcoma in 1993. He had two fingers amputated on his left hand and he went to Sloan Kettering every 3 months for the first couple of years for checkups. Every time we saw Dr. Boland.

Doctor Boland is a tall white haired man with a thick Irish Brogue. As far as I am concerned, he is GOD. He is the rare type of doctor who cares, really cares. He sits down in the room when he comes in. He tells the truth. Good, bad or ugly.

So sometime during the first couple of years following the initial diagnosis, Hubby finds a lump in his shoulder.

Diagnosis at original detection... cut it out from wherever it is. If you can cut it out then its ok, fingers, arms, legs, feet ok

neck, hip, spine. death sentence.

Shoulders not so sure.

Dr. Boland, GOD, told us that most likely if the cancer came back it would be in his lungs. So he had a chest xray each time.

And when it came out fine... we went to dinner in Manhattan.

We discovered Brother Jimmys, which no joke has a flashing neon sign that says
Meat/Eat right over the neon pig. The floor is made of plywood and there are rude signs everywhere. But it has the best ribs you could ever eat, with mashed potatoes and corn bread and the most giant mind eraser drink you could ever want. It has a giant plastic shark sticking out of the top and is served in a fish bowl.

So now there is a lump in his shoulder and we are freaking out. For real because again shoulders, not so sure. He has learned at this point to do most things without the fingers but if he has to have his arm amputated past his shoulder, his career as an electrician is over. And hopefully just that and not his life.


So we make an appointment to see God and they take our calls like we are old friends because being one of only 8 people in the country with this cancer in this spot, we are kinda famous,

That and the fact that we used D3 as entertainment.

We get an appointment right away and we go in and Dr. Boland is really nervous. I can tell he thinks it may be back.

He comes in, examines Hubby, leaves, comes back, leaves again.... brings in someone else... leaves, comes back later and is like ok come with me.

We trust him, so we follow. He tells us that because we come from so far away and because he wants to take care of this immediately he wants to take the lump out and biopsy it. now. today. this minute.

He is not really supposed to do this so we are sneaking into an empty surgery room downstairs.

I am not kidding. We are looking around corners and sneaking around.

We go into the surgery room and he has an assistant and he is like Nancy come on in. So being completely obsessed with medical procedures I go in.

He has the assistant prepare his shoulder and then asks the assistant to go get something.

Now we know why the wait for Dr. Boland has sometimes exceeded 5 hours. 5 hours like as in our appointment is at 10am and at 245 we are called into a room.

We laugh when we hear first timers after 30 minutes of waiting say "Um I have been waiting for a half an hour, how much longer is it gonna be?"

Fact is... when someone is saving your life, you wait. With a smile.

So I am in surgery...

and Dr. Boland begins to cut into his shoulder.

he pauses.

"Where are my glasses?"

Nancy can you look in my jacket hanging on the back of the door?

I take out his glasses and he is like

I am already sterile Can you put these on me?

So I start to put his glasses on and he is over 6 ft and I am standing on my toes and poking him in the ears with the glasses and he bends down and I think...

this is a story I will tell for years.

So he takes out what appears to be a new tumor.

He puts it in a jar.

Nancy can you get me the anesthesia.

What???

Yeah take that needle and stick it in that bottle and pull down and fill the needle up with blah blah blah. Then bring it to me.

He shoots him up with blah blah blah.

He leaves.

He comes back in and says "I am not sure". He leaves and comes back. He stitches Hubby up (like Frankenstein)The scar is gnarly. And he says "It may be back". We say okay. He says "Well it has irregular margins but you never know" "Well if its back we will have to amputate.... well lets see."

They stitch him up, shoot him up with anesthesia, give him a prescription for pain killers and send us home. We took the train and two subways to get there so guess what?

We have to take 2 subways and a train to get home.

So we go to Genovese to pick up the drugs, give him one and get on subway 1.

Now Hubby is bandaged and drugged and we get on the first subway and I am trying to shield him from the crazy New Yorkers.

And he is getting more and more drugged and I am not sure how to get back...is it the 6 train and then the E train? or the other way around? Do I get off at Lexington Ave?

We finally get back to the Ronkonkoma train station and we own a pickup truck that I have to drive home.

Princesses dont drive pickups.

I guess they do surgery though.



Ps. They called about two weeks later and said it was an infected hair follicle that turned into a fatty mass. but no cancer. I remember hearing the messages and falling against the wall and feeling so grateful. I try to remember that feeling of gratitude in times of stress.

Like when Hubby is snoring.

Thoughts from the summer....

Well,well,well...

it seems there is a secret that I never knew. Having fewer children would have been way easier.

Ok... so I know you are thinking DUH..

But no really... the first time I thought about it was a few years ago when I went to pay for a vacation to Disney World. I had to pay per person and I realized that if I had 2 less children it would have cost me 2000 dollars less.

Hmmm... I thought. Things could have been cheaper with less children.
I swear that is the first time I ever thought about it.

When D1 was born, it was hard but I had no car, we lived far away and no money. I spent all day playing with her and although it was exhausting it was the life I always wanted.

When D2 was born, it was hard going from 1 to 2 but I figured it out and ultimately they were raised more like twins. I bought diapers and food and it didnt seem like I added much more to our expenses.

Going from 2 to 3 was a lot of work and since A)I hadnt had a baby in 5 years, B)Hubby was diagnosed with Cancer weeks after she was born and C)my family was not talking to me, it made it that much harder. I know that is why D3 was so well behaved. I mean really she slept when you put her in the stroller, was sweet when she was awake and literally made everyone smile every place she went. She was a light that stayed bright as long as we needed her too. But I managed.

I had the whole mom thing down by the time D4 was born and had she been like my other girls I probaly would have been ok but NOOOO... she was a nut job. Having 4 kids under 8 years old and the little one requiring so much time... it was hard.

But for the most part, it never occurred to me how much more money we spent on clothes or food or anything else. It just seemed like we spread around whatever we had.

for the entire 14 years I have had 4 children, I guess I just got used to there always being laundry, always needing to go food shopping, always needing to clean something, never having enough money.

It didnt seem to have anything to do with the amount of kids I had, rather just this was our life.

SOOOO when the only one around was D1 last week, it didnt occur to me that anything would be different.

Boy was I wrong.

first of all, I neglected the laundry all week, yet on Saturday when I went to do the laundry...not even a whole load of clothes. How could this be I thought?

D1 was doing the dishes after dinner... are those all the dishes she asked? Yea... I say... hmmm I think... somthing fishy is going on here.

And when I left for work in the morning, however I left the house, it was just like that when I got home. I cleaned one day and when I got home... yes can you believe it? The house was still clean.

When I bought a bag of Chips and spinach dip, every day I got home I had a little of it and it lasted the whole week.

Dinner... well it would have been cheaper if I didnt use all the food money to buy porterhouse steaks, 6 of those, which we had in two meals instead of just one.

A five pound bag of potatoes lasted through 2 dinners and a leftover. Normally I struggle to use it for one.

I observed that D4 is clearly the messiest kid I have.

I observed that D3 and her dilemmas take up a lot of my time(and I dont mind I am just stating a fact)I love being a part of the fix my problems game.

I observed that not having any children when we visited D2 in washington dc made it a beautiful visit where although they were all texting me at the same time I got to talk to her and listen to her and buy stuff just for her.

I observed that D1 liked being an only child and was way calmer without all the others around. We had a great time at the beach together and enjoyed cooking dinners and preparing other meals.

I observed that being alone all week made me appreciate hubby more and although I was nervous at the beginning of the week that I wouldnt want to spend the rest of my life just the two of us, by the end of the week, we had a nice time at the beach together and spent some quality time on two car trips together. Not as much talking as I would have liked but.. well I am flexible.

I realized that since I found out I was pregnant 23 years ago, hubby and I have never had more than a day or two alone. This was probably the longest we have ever gone since we moved in together in May of 1986.

I observed that my eye stopped twitching around Wednesday after all the kids had been gone since Saturday.

Yes it took that long to calm down. Think post traumatic stress disorder.

Although I had so much to do, I did a lot of reading, crossword puzzles and closing my eyes while I sat in the backyard.

There is a story about a man who goes to his rabbi and says Rabbi my house is too small and with all 8 kids I cant stand it anymore.

The rabbi says, go get the pigs out of the barn and put them in the house.

What are you crazy the man says? But of course he listens to his rabbi, because all good jews do.

After a week he goes back to the Rabbi and says I cant take it with the kids and my wife and the pigs, its too crowded.

So the Rabbi says go get the cows from the barn and bring them in the house.

What are you crazy the man says? But he listens to his Rabbi because he doesnt want to go to hell.

On and on this goes, adding animals and in laws until no one could move in the house.

The man says Rabbi I cant take it anymore. And the Rabbi says Ok, go get everyone out of the house.

And when the man does he realized how amazing it feels to have just the 8 kids and his wife in the house and how spacious it feels?

Do you get the drift of my story?

I was being secretly judgemental... I know you are shocked... but I was thinking how easy parents of only children have it. Just 3 porterhouse steaks, every time. Not a 2000 dollar Kohls bill. 3 people for tickets to Billy Joel or Broadway, and if its a boy, no manicure/pedicures, haircuts, tampons, hair gel... all stuff which could add up to I dont know enough money for a boat.

When we went out to dinner with just D1, we sat on the same side of the table and D1 sat on the other side. Two clappers... all to herself.

The bill, half of what it usually is.

So is it because we had all the pigs, cows, horses and in laws in the house and when they left it seemed so quiet? Or is it because life would have been way easier with less children? If I just had one, and it was D1, I would be done now. I would own an apartment in the city, and a beach house in the Cayman Islands. I would have gone to Hawaii and Europe already and not be waiting for the last kid to graduate the last college.

But what would that get me?

Real Estate and fancy trips?

That is never what I wanted from my life.

It was the children.

The laughter, the excitement, the holidays with loud yelling and lots of activity in the kitchen.

The debating, the girl talk, the boy talk and the talk about politics and drugs and morality.

The kitchen, the heart of our home, cooking, eating,cleaning up and then more eating.

And I am sad that it is almost all over.

It was nice to have a little peace and quiet this week but if you asked me to go back to the best time in my life I would say, 2000 until 2003. The time when D4 started school to right before we opened the store.

The kids were 5,7,12 and 13. There was not a lot of money to go around and not much time for each kid but we managed, happily. It was fun here. The girls had each other if they needed them. No one drove, no one left home unless they were playing with a friend. And we enjoyed our time together.

I could never imagine not having the girls. I could not imagine having just 1 kid. None of my kids wants to be an only child and I am hoping this means that their childhood was special to them. I hope they have a lot of children, who can come and visit grandma anytime they want so they dont have to wait 23 years to enjoy their time with their spouse.

No Hawaiin shirts, No mickey mouse ears, no fancy cars, boats, or trips could ever take the place of my kids, how much I love them and want to give them everything they ever wanted.

No, I brought in the pigs and chickens and cows, they are gone now and I am happy with all the room that they left.

We will all be together next Saturday and that does not happen often anymore. And I will treasure it. Every minute, every last meal, load of laundry, new clothes, toiletries, manicures. All of it because once its gone I will probably choke on all the filet mignon I will be eating, but its no fun alone.

No fun at all.

McDonalds, A Hook in the Head and a Pink Cast

What do these things have in common?

You guessed it...D#4

In case you are a new reader, I have four daughters and being so ingeniously creative I call them D1 D2 D3 and D4. Hey I named them once already. It was too hard to come up with equally as beautiful fake names...

So... here's the story

of a lovely lady

who was busy breaking all her lovely bones

there were 4 kids

but shes the crazy one

and last night she ordered all our new phones...

If you know her you know the last line is in reference to the fact that she is the one we leave all the important decisions to. "D4, here is my debit card, go into Stop and shop and pick out our Ben and Jerry's flavors and make sure to use the stop and shop card to get the discount" She is always on top of that kind of stuff.

Here's the deal though... the kid barely has made it through her life...

First of all when she was born we were lulled into a false sense of our fantastic parenting... We had 3 perfectly behaved children. the kind of kids you don't mind sitting next to in any restaurant other than one where your food is wrapped in paper...Really, not just a bragging mom, these kids were perfect...

We patted ourselves on the back frequently and whispered about those "other" parents... you know the type... the ones offering anything to get their kids to sit down and take one more bite, whose kids are running through the stores and restaurants...its a shame we'd say... such bad parenting...

And then... dah dah dah DAH!!!! D4 is born...

she never slept for longer than 1 and a half hours. She ate literally every minute she was awake. And she grew... like the jolly green giant... she always knew she would be tall... based on the fact that she used to hold things over her head to keep it away from us... when she was 2...of course now she does it and... well she's 5'10" now, so she see what has happened...

Accident number 1...D4 is about a year old and D3 is not quite 3...Hubby is putting pajamas on them while I go shopping for Easter. I am not gone more than about 10 minutes when Hubby calls... you should come home he says.. whats the matter?...i rarely got out alone then and this was my chance for escape... i wasn't taking the loss of it lightly...nothing just come back...FINE!!!!!

so I head home and he is standing at the door with D4 and she is slipping in and out of consciousness. What the hell happened??? Well D3 was mad that Hubby had put her pjs on D4 and was pulling the dresser drawer out to get a different pair... the drawer pulled all the way out and D4 was laying underneath it getting her diaper changed by Hubby. bam, dresser drawer to the head....Concussion number 1

By the way... when we got to the emergency room she also had a 104 fever which had nothing to do with the accident just coincidence... Coxsackie... it was the first of many...

Accident 2: D4 is about 18 months old...never stops moving... hubby is pulling her around on the kitchen floor by her arms, Pop goes the weasel...or should I say Pop goes the elbow...We took her to St Charles emergency room where they xrayed it and said oh its just a sprain."Daddy broka my arm" she told them..by the next morning it was blue and it was hanging from her shoulder not moving at all. Go to the pediatrician... this is dislocated he says and pops it back in. Same hospital where just 3 years ago they killed my brother in law. We have been boycotting it since D4s accident. Don't go to St. Charles....

I wont bore you with all the details of the next FOUR elbow dislocations, rotating back and forth from arm to arm, but there was one on Labor day, and let me just point out, not a fun day to be in the hospital.. that one happened in walmart... D4 was always trying to escape and when you held her hand, she would let her feet go out from under her and hang. POP elbow out...Later on when we were scared to death of her elbow dislocating, she learned to let her feet go and we would let go of her hand so we wouldn't dislocate her elbow and then she would run. Once when D3 was trying to kiss her hand when literally I ran into the supermarket for one second and left all 4 of them in the car and D3 pulled her arm over the seat of the car and Pop. I was on my to Girl scouts that day with apples to bake apple pie and thank god my pediatrician was in and just popped it back into place. Nancy they said, you are going to have to learn to do this yourself... no way...I only play a doctor on TV, i cant put an elbow back in... Oh i didn't tell you I play a General Practitioner on TV, not an orthopaedist... once we were in a filthy bathroom...toilet clogged and filled to the top... and she was potty training so we had to go and I was trying to open the door to get out and hold her hand and she tried to go back and flush the toilet. Naturally i yanked back and pop out goes the elbow...As we exited the bathroom she was screaming...you guessed it... "mommy broka my arm"...

so due to circumstances beyond my control and my boycotting of St Charles... i went to 4 different places when her elbow was dislocated 5 times. my pediatrician calls...hey Nancy... i have been your doctor for 10 years by this time and i know you aren't beating her but somebody was alerted to the fact that i was going to separate emergency rooms with a broken toddler. Oh the many storied of D4.

McDonald's...we are on our way to D1 basketball game. Yeah I know you are all surprised to find out D1 played basketball. anywho... we are eating at McDonald's and we are letting D4 run around in the play place with a friend of ours son who is D2s age. So if D4 was 3 1/2 years old D2 was 10. They are playing in the brand new play place that is a giant climbing thing. D4 falls from the top through all the floors to the bottom and lands on her arm. I knew the way she was holding it that it was broken. She is screaming and crying and so we quickly usher her out. At the basketball game I ask my friend... do you think this is broken... hmmm... not sure....I bring her home and bath her...PS... don't put a broken bone in hot water...when hubby got home from D1s game we put her to bed and thought oh it is probably just sprained or bruised. She woke up at 11pm screaming.

It was Hubby's turn to bring her to the emergency room. We call it in advance now...when we see her doing something stupid...its your turn I say...It was my turn last time he says...oh I am not sure... did you take her for the concussion, which elbow did you take her for...and on it goes...

off he goes and lo and behold... its broken... here is where the story gets creepy...they want us to see an orthopaedist the next day to have a cast put on...it is picture day at preschool... i don't want her to miss being in the class picture and so...yeah i do it... i fix her hair and send her off to school with only about 4 hours of sleep and a sling packed in ice that the doctors at the ER sent her home with. I have really great pictures of this but I am not sure how to scan pictures into my computer so... only those lucky enough to know her have seen the pictures. We go back to McDonald's the next day and tell them that she broke her arm there the night before and they were not that nice about it... why did you leave then? um we had a screaming toddler... we didn't want to disturb the esteemed McDonald's guests... Why didn't you tell us yesterday.... yeah refer to reason one...screaming toddler... people staring... blah blah blah...PS we won a law suit against them because it was a new play place and it wasn't proven....and by the time she gets the money it will not even pay for one semester of college...

It was December 2nd. You know how I remember that specific date 10 years ago??? Because I spent all of December 3rd 1998 in the orthopaedists office waiting until they could fit us in. All day... oh you don't know what December 3rd is. December 3rd 1998 was my 31st birthday. And we got there sometime around 11 and left somewhere around 4pm. With a little girl with a cast on....Broken arm #1

Good news about the broken arm though...it stopped the elbows from dislocating....coincidence? i think not...

Christmas 1998... yeah just a few weeks later...we get the biggest Christmas's tree ever... it is so big we have to put it on the side of the living room with the 14 foot ceilings. We are eating dinner downstairs when we hear, crash, boom, "Uh oh"... are you OK D4? The Christmas tree fell she says... we race up the stairs and she is under this giant tree. Hubby lifts the tree off her and we look at her and she has an ornament hook sticking out of her head...thank god it was just caught in her hair and not her head...there were broken glass ornaments all around her...

when they took her cast off in early January there was one lone pine needle stuck in the cast... unbelievable...

you wonder why i am so neurotic today... living with her was like being in Vietnam... you never knew when someone was gonna sneak up on you and bam drop a tree on your head...

There were years of illness and injuries. Things it would take me a lifetime to tell. I am going to skip forward to the next two big ones... the rest I will leave for another time...

January 2007... we take my sister in law and go to watch D4 play basketball in Northport. 4 seconds into the game...she trips backwards over another player and lands on her elbow. She plays still. She fouls 2 more times in such a short period of time the coach takes her out. I can see the way she is holding her arm and I look Hubby straight in the face and say... I think its your turn to go the emergency room. What? No. She's fine. Yeah we'll see I say.

The coach wants to put her back in and she is asking me with sign language across the court...I say, in sign language...come here(basically that means I wave) she comes over holding the arm like it may fall apart if she lets go. Are you OK I say as she walks over and she starts crying... it really hurts, she says. OK lets go, No she wants to stay for the rest of the game. We stay but she cant play. We leave and head over to the ER. D1 comes and gets me from the emergency room and we leave hubby behind with her (it was his turn) and he calls uh yeah D4 has a broken elbow. Holy cow... I try to call the orthopaedist the next day and they say... oh no no a broken elbow... you have to wait a week for the cast to go on, its too swollen.

A week later we see the orthopaedist and they put a cast from her fingers to her armpit. A pink one of course. After all... she is my kid...

Scary part is that a few weeks later, the cast is hurting her so bad. yeah turns out she is growing. Which is actually something they told us about when they xrayed her. "this kid has a lot of room in her growth plates" the doctor said...


Now... best story ever... sick and sad... but a story to tell

D3s Bat Mitzvah was in June 2006. The Monday after the Bat Mitzvah as we are all barely recovering from the weekend we are just hanging around home. I am on the phone with my mother downstairs and D3 and D4 are upstairs. D1 and D2 are in the living room watching TV.

All of a sudden we hear D3 screaming, "D4 fell and she is not breathing"... I drop the phone and race upstairs. D3 who is a tiny little peanut drags D4 into the hallway. After she tries to shake her awake. Not the ideal thing for a head injury. I come up the stairs and she is sitting up at the top of the stairs having a seizure, holding her arms straight out in front of her making some weird sound that was like "HUUUUUHHHUUUUUHHHHUUUUHHHH" It was a horrible sound. Call 911 I scream. Tell grandma we will call her back and call 911.

D1 picks up the phone and then races off into the bathroom to throw up... D2 calls 911 I think.. I should know this... I don't remember...

D4 starts to come out of it and I realize that there is an ambulance on the way and
D4 is lying in the midst of two weeks of dirty laundry. Oh honey come with mommy. I cant breathe she is saying... OK honey lets just move you down a few stairs until we are away from the dirty laundry. Step away from the laundry.

They take us away by ambulance and guess what... Concussion 2.

How did it happen you ask? The wheelie chair. The damn wheelie chair.

D4 wanted D3 to put something in the closet and she wouldn't...so D4 dragged over a wheelie chair and stood on it. It went out from under her and she fell straight back onto the hardwood floor. Unconscious, Seizure, Concussion.

Our first ambulance ride.

I should have taken a picture for her baby book.

I rode in the ambulance... and hubby met me there.

I am pretty sure it was his turn.

Total Barfarama

I contemplated many ideas for this blog but as is always the case when everyone is together... the conversation turns to Vomit.

Everyone has a good vomit story. To protect the innocent I will not mention when these classic pukes occurred, just the stories themselves. because lets face it...throwing up is always funny.

to be fair i will start with myself.

I cannot even accurately describe to you how many times I puked when I was pregnant with D1 and D3. Every day, all day long, for almost 7 months. Literally everything I ate I knew I would be seeing later.

It got so bad that i had to make my choice of food based on what was easiest to vomit.

Hmmm...should i eat those really sharp taco flavored doritos that could slice me like a razor blade on the way back up, or those soft cushiony corn muffins?

dont get me wrong, i still ate the doritos, but I paid the price later.

I got pregnant about a month after we moved in together. We had been married since December, but Hubby was out on a Navy ship, picking up pieces of the exploded Challenger off the coast of Florida, touring Cuba and just in general saving our country from the bad guys. there were less bad guys in 1986 but nonetheless, the Navy thought they needed him more than me. We moved in together in May and I found out I was pregnant in July.

Newlyweds.

I was on my way home from work one day when I started throwing up into a McDonalds bag in my car. I threw up over the Tobin Bridge, all the way home. As I pulled up to our basement apartment in the ghetto of East Boston, I felt more vomiting coming on. I pulled the car into a space and ran for the door. I planned on racing into the bathroom but Hubby was standing there waiting for me so nicely.

Blahhahahahaha.... puked all over my shoes, his shoes, in a trail to the toilet.

And he still loves me even to this day.

I once ate an everything bagel and yoohoo. then i went shopping in tjmaxx. I was pregnant with D3. i will make it simple for you, there were a few unhappy people in TJ Maxx and i have not eaten an everything bagel or yoohoo in 15 years.

D1's famous vomit story: Outback... she orders fettucine alfredo...I know already you are thinking... mistake... but she was recovering from food poisoning and I think I may have convinced her that meat was a poor choice. We get in the car to go home and we start driving. We are not even out of the parking lot yet and she starts, hiccuping. Right away we are worried, because there is always a hiccup, a burp, laughing and then she blows.

So in order to keep the pattern going, hubby is screaming uh oh uh oh over and over again. D1 is laughing and saying, pull over I am going to throw up. hahahah. we laugh and laugh. She's gonna blow hubby screams, she's gonna blow. Really pull over dad, really, hiccup, hiccup, burp, burp, laugh, laugh, blahahahahah...in her defense she tried to roll down the window but it only goes down halfway in the back. I dont know something about child safety. Whatever... puke guard.

Well, she threw up in her lap... an entire plate of fettucine alfredo and cheese fries. It was classic. Of course we had just pulled out of the parking lot. Really. We laughed so hard we almost puked ourselves. when we got out of the car at home, she had full noodles and whole french fries in her lap. and clover ran outside for her feast of whole vomit. For a dog really what better meal is that.

D2's famous vomit story...ok D2 never vomits. Never. She is like Jerry Seinfeld. He hadnt vomited in like 12 years. But then....the black and white cookie. It did him in and seriously it was one of the funniest episodes to date.

JERRY: Uhm, The thing about eating the Black and White cookie, Elaine, is you want to get some black and some white in each bite. Nothing mixes better than vanilla and chocolate And yet somehow racial harmony eludes us. If people would only look to the cookie all our problems would be solved.

ELAINE: Your views on race relations are fascinating. You really should do an op-ed piece for the Times.

JERRY: Um, um, Look to the cookie Elaine. Look to the cookie.

time goes by...

JERRY: Uh, I don't feel so good.

ELAINE: What's wrong?

JERRY: My stomach, I , I think it was that cookie.

ELAINE: The black and white?

JERRY: Yeah.

ELAINE: Not getting along?

JERRY: I think I got David Duke and Fahrikan down there.

ELAINE: Well if we can't look to the cookie where can we look?

JERRY: I feel like I'm going to throw up.

ELAINE: Hey, what about your vomit streak?

JERRY: I know, I haven't thrown up since June 29th, 1980.

so my point is she is not a big puker. but one time she was at a christmas party and just had way too many pretty, pretty drinks. She had a friend pick her up and apparently threw up in her car. The smell lasted forever even with multiple bottles of febreze. She threw up on her coat, her camera, her phone, D3's famous black boots and god knows what else. Her friend called D1 to come and secretly pick her up but we were on to her so Hubby went with D1 to pick her up. she was asleep on the floor of the bathroom, her clothes in a bag with her various vomit covered accessories.
that event caused a fight within her friends family that ultimately led to her friend being kicked out of the house on Christmas. The story continues and eventually the friend moved to Tennessee and got married. so if any thing goes wrong i have to say it is all D2's fault.

D3's vomit in a public place...so you read my story of how i ignored D3 when her appendix was rupturing??? Well anyway... she was pretty sick even after the surgery. But one day while she was recovering, I had this grand idea that we should get out of the house. I took her to Starbucks, got her a sugar free vanilla decaf latte and then drove through mcdonalds and got her fries. It was pouring out but I thought we should get some stuff from BJs. So I drop her off in the front of BJs and I go to park the car. As i am walking in the door I see her, head in garbage can puking her guts up. I am holding her hair and rubbing her back because really what else can I do at this point? When she is done, I took the garbage bag out and threw it outside in the big garbage bag. Then i say... do you think you feel well enough to go back inside?? Alright... I know... but I really needed dog food and shampoo. for gods sake, what did you want me to do? buy it in the supermarket.

D4's pukarama...we drove all the way to south carolina to stay in my parents condo. they werent there, just us. So we pull into Bob Evans for breakfast. As we pull into the parking lot, D1 is like I dont feel well. And she throws up in the parking lot. This apparently became a regular occurance because she threw up in the store parking lot the night before we opened and also I think in Walmart parking lot in Geneseo. Anyway sorry this is D4's story. So we say D1 can you make it into the restaurant? WE WERE HUNGRY. it was a long trip. huh! you are so judgemental. Well we go in and get a table and D4 at that time had a habit of waiting to the last minute and then jumping up and screaming, I am going to pee in my pants, while holding herself. So she says, I have to frow up...are you sure D4. Dry coughing and head shaking.... I grab her and run for the bathroom. But it was too late.. she started throwing up and I pulled her head into my hair so she wouldnt spew all over the restaurant. And she throws up in my hair. all the way to the bathroom. And then we cut the people in line to jump into a stall. Hey I am a new yorker, those crazy southerners have no idea what hit them. But D4 was worried, Blahahaha, mommy, blahahah, did we cut those people, blahaha, its ok honey, you are sick. ok blahblah. Now we call it Barf Evans, cause that is so funny.


Hubbys famous vomit story...we were at a wedding and hubby had way too much to drink. I never drank then because my blood sugar was so bad and my sister in law didnt drink because she was about 9 months pregnant with my nephew. So we were the designated drivers. it is a sucky job in this family let me tell you because everyone else drinks to oblivian. So we leave the wedding and hubby is in the front seat of my van. his family is in the back and I have to drive them from Hampton Bays to Ronkonkoma and yes that does mean i have to pass my house to get there. I am driving towards the hotel and hubby is passed out, And then I hear it...the dry cough and then... you guessed it... Total Barforama. Right on my front winshield. I roll down the window on his side, yeah i had power windows in that car. dont worry there were no bridges around. And he pukes all over the window, inside and outside. Vomit everywhere. When I drop his family at the hotel they run in and get towels. But it doesnt matter. There is vomit and vomit smell all over the car. When we got home, I stripped off his clothes, put him to bed, and then set out to clean the car. Boiling water on the outside, carpet cleaner on the inside. I was so pissed at him that night. When he woke up I told him he was dating his B1(brother 1)girlfriend. she spent the whole night hitting on him. I have to say right now its funny but at the time... no not so much.




watch this.

Bottom line is Barfing is always funny...no matter where or when it happens. and it sometimes is the highlight of any event. lets see if anyone tosses their cookies on thanksgiving. hahahaha cant wait...

Facebook Stalking

okay keep in mind I wrote this a year ago... and I am embarrassed to say that I do now have a facebook and feel a little bit ashamed of this but.... it is really funny so enjoy!!!



What is going on with the adults today?

Grow up. Move on. Seriously.

Here is a very serious question. When is it too old to create a facebook?

I am totally cool with...you started your facebook in high school, now 6 years have gone by and you still have it, but you dont update it everytime you change your underwear...

Nancy is...wishing it was 1984.

Nancy left a comment on your wall. You cant return to high school to prove to the cool kids now that you are some respected member of the adult community. They dont care. You are still a loser geek in the eyes of the kids today.

Here is the deal, our kids dont even really know a world without instant gratification. You need to talk to someone? You can reach them wherever they are on their pantech matrix or iphone. And if you have something better to offer they will ditch their plans for better ones.You can see what anyone is doing just by stalking them on facebook.

Nancy is "in a relationship" and "believes in her own new religion Nancyland".

Maybe I tend to be a little old fashioned. Just a little. I admit it.

My name is Nancy and I think technology ruined the world.

Hi Miss Nancy. Welcome to Old Fashioned Anonymous held in the barn with a gas lamp to light our way.

I am always the last to get anything electronic because... well I just always think I should wait for it to be proven before I jump on the bandwagon.

I had rollup windows in my car until 1998. I still have VCRs in my house because I am just not certain that whole DVD thing is gonna stick. When I ordered a new stove, I told the salesman, I dont really want a digital stove. I dont trust it. It could take on a life of its own and start roasting a chicken in the middle of the night. Lets just get it with the little clock and the knob so I have total control. No surprises from a rogue stove.

I broke down last year and asked for an ipod for christmas. Only because I ruined my mint collection of Shawn Cassidy and Michael Jackson albums trying to stick them into that small slot in the car above the radio. And my car didnt come with an 8 track player for my Neil Diamond tapes. Yeah its true I knew Michael Jackson when he was still black AND still had a nose, before the little boys.




I hate change. I love everything to stay the same. I order the same food from every restaurant I go to. I never try anything new. I got the same minivan 3 leases in a row. Ok one was purple, then green , then blue and I did finally break down and get automatic windows. But I still didnt trust them over bridges.

Yeah you think its funny? How are you going to roll down electric windows when the car goes off the bridge and is submerged in water? Exactly why now that they insist on putting them in every car, I make the kids roll down the windows when we go over bridges. You can never trust that ever changing technology.




Slowly almost every room in my house is becoming the same color. And not even completely on purpose. I just go to Home Depot and always come back with the same paint chip. "hey, that looks like the color from the bathroom?" "No I think this is cookie crumble, that color is crumbled cookie, way different."

I think boys should pay for dates if they asked you to go on them. You can graciously offer to contribute but only with the fake looking through your bag for money thing when the check comes. If they take it, ehhh, strike one. Actually that could be strike two if they didnt open the door for you to get into the car or the restaurant.

I wish I could be waiting at home for my hubby with a deliciously cooked dinner, pearls and high heels.

Well maybe not the heels.

I want boys to remove their hats in my presence, never ever curse around me and I want a handshake on a deal to mean something.

You know the good ole days. When we played in the streets and we chose teams. I dont remember it being so mean out in the street playing kick the can. When, if you werent good enough you didnt make the team but then you tried something else and you found your true calling. It forced you to look inside yourself for something else. You didnt just automatically get to be on the team so we wouldnt disspoint you.


Life before facebook,,,oh the good old days...

You actually had to call someone and ask them out on a date on their home phone. And when their Dad answered you had to say Hi Mr. Nancys Dad, can I please speak with nancy and ask her out on a date.

And the phone had a cord so you couldnt walk away to some private area, You stood right in the middle of the kitchen while everyone watched and teased you.




Ok so maybe I still have a corded phone. Once again, safety first. What if some killer broke into my house cut my electric wires and my cell phone was dead? Huh what then? Exactly, I will be calling the police on my corded phone and you will be dying a slow painful death in a pool of your own blood. Call me crazy but...I think I am on to something.

I think that the fax machine is the most magical creation of the 21st century. yes above internet and ipods because I can write with my own handwriting and send it to china if i want and they can see what I wrote. On paper. In my own handwriting.

when people go to give me their phone number I immediately go to look for a pen and paper and when people say why dont you just put it in your phone, i say, well... what if my phone loses it? I will always have this little piece of paper to rely on.

That is how I remembered to write this blog.

Little piece of paper in my back pocket.

No reminders from my phone.

I have recently discovered that many adults in my family, ok yes every one of them has a facebook.

My kids alerted me to that fact and then let me see a little of Facebook. I cant believe you can see every persons comments and conversations. It is like stalking really. You know instantly when people are fighting or "hooking up" or doing some other sleazy thing.

Here is my dilemma...Am i just shunning the forward thinkers of the world by not having a facebook? Is this like the corded phone, the rolldown windows and the vcr player? Am i making fun of them because i think its totally ridiculous that someone has time to update their every move or am i just hanging out with my friends from Old Fashioned Anonymous too much, driving our horse and buggies to our meetings, wearing our dresses and warming our hands in muffs, talking about the good old days, when your word meant something and you could only torture your enemies to their face and not with some mean bumper sticker...




am i THAT person... who refuses to learn how to use her new cell phone and instead screams everytime for the kids to help? who wishes we could still take handwriting classes and grammar in school so we would know how to write a letter and not reduce everything to text words? who thinks nice boys hold doors and pay for dates and are parent friendly?

I could never have a facebook anyway because my kids would never accept my friend request. I would be that girl whose only friend was Tom. Oh wait... that is My space, wow I am really behind the times.

that is fine I am happy to have a blog that lets me say whatever I want anyway, I dont even have to join the group, Adults against facebook.

Fate

There is so much about my fate that I cannot control but other things do fall under the jurisdiction I can decide how I spend my time, whom I interact with whom I share my body and life and money and energy with I can select what I can read and eat and study. I can choose how I’m going to regard unfortunate circumstances in my life whether I will see them as curses or opportunities I can choose my words and the tone of voice in which I speak to others. And most of all I can choose my thoughts.

I love this quote because there is so little we can control, but we can control our reaction to it. I have a tendency to laugh and make serious inappropriate jokes under dire circumstances. I have to say I was at my funniest when Pat had cancer. You dont think Cancer is funny? Well it was for a couple of weeks in 1993. The jokes were great, we laughed and we cried. Laughing is a deep release of emotion and I believe that it is healthier than crying.

I cry too. All the time. And I still make sick jokes. Even when Pat had a heart attack incident a few months ago. We laughed and freaked out.

Its what we do. And it makes life just a little easier to take.

I am going to need some laughter the next few weeks as I wait for various test results.

Did you hear the one about the rabbi the priest and the poodle...

Me either, but if you have a good joke please send it my way.

OK Thanks.

Nightmares

“Everyone, at some point in their lives, wakes up in the middle of the night with the feeling that they are all alone in the world, and that nobody loves them now and that nobody will ever love them, and that they will never have a decent night’s sleep again and will spend their lives wandering blearily around a loveless landscape, hoping desperately that their circumstances will improve, but suspecting, in their heart of hearts, that they will remain unloved forever. The best thing to do in these circumstances is to wake somebody else up, so that they can feel this way, too.”
Lemony Snicket, Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can’t Avoid

I dont sleep,

Pretty Much Ever.

I always blamed my husbands snoring until I moved into the living room to sleep and realize I dont sleep here either.

I guess not sleeping has some perks.

My kids can never sneak in past curfew.

They come in thinking I am fast asleep but I always have one foot out of dreamland.

Hey how was your night?
Mom what are you doing awake?
I am always kind of awake.

So last night at 4am while I was wide awake I decided to get some water and pee, you know the things regular middle age women do at 4 am.

And I think I actually fell asleep.

And I had a horrible nightmare.

There were birds and raccoons and scary men chasing me.

And I wished I could wake up but I couldnt.

Until I heard my daughter, MOM...
Yeah whats the matter?
I had a terrible nightmare.
Ok come down and lay with me on the couch,

So she starts telling me the scariest dream in the whole world.

And we sit up for awhile and we talk and then we start laughing

And I realize that

Sleep isnt really that important,

Not when my kids might need me.

Thought for the day

“Maybe it’s maturity or the wisdom that comes with age, but the witch in Hansel and Gretel—she’s very misunderstood. I mean, the woman builds her dream house and these brats come along and start eating it.”
Cynthia Nixon, Sex and the City

Archive August 4th 2008

Monday, August 4, 2008
So much time... so little to do

So much time... so little to do... check that, reverse it. Anyone ? Anyone? Bueller? No Willy Wonka. That line made no sense to me when I was a kid but now... I get it.

I am the mother of four amazing daughters. I loved being a stay at home mom over the years. I never had a desire to BE anything else. My life was so fulfilled with my family and friends. At some point I felt our need for money overrode my "wanting" to stay home so I went back to work, part time, doing all kinds of things and then it was more than part time and so it goes... life as a stay at home mom was over.

I have very strong parenting ideas. And I tend to be very judgemental about my parenting and other peoples parenting. I am not a confrontational person and it has been very hard for me always to speak up about things that are important to me. But my belief in good parenting has changed my relationship with quite a few people some even in my own family.

My family is so unique and I am sure you are thinking yeah so is everyones. But the more I get to know different people and their family dynamic the more I realize how special we are.

I got married when I was 18. We eloped actually. My husband and I started dating in the Summer of 84. He had just graduated high school and I was going into my senior year. I knew he had already joined the Navy and would be leaving in March but I had known him for so long and we had been friends and I just knew I wanted to be with him forever.

We had a great summer... And this is how it all started. We were at a graduation party and I was dating one of hubbys friends. Nothing serious just a few dates. So we are at the party and I guess mutually we realize that its not working out (the friend and I ). Hubby and I start talking and we sit in his car to smoke a cigarette. Honestly none of our friends smoked so were kind of sneaking I guess. We talked and talked, it was just us being friends.

So whatever my friends are there and we are just hanging out and everyone decides to go to this bar in Coram. Anyone remember City Scenes in the Pathmark Shopping Center? Great Kamikazes No ID needed.

So everyone piles in all the cars and we head over and we are drinking pitchers of Kamikazes and let me say that I completely do not condone underage drinking and I think what we were doing here was SO BAD but times were different, we seemed older, the drinking age was only 18 blah blah blah I am grateful everyday that I made it out of that part of my life alive.

Well its time to leave and I ask hubby for a ride home. We go to leave and suddenly hubbys friend is mad, he says something rude and uncalled for and we leave. Whatever.

Hubby drives me to my house and we talk and laugh and it is so easy and good. So I say goodbye but there is a part of me that knows something magical just happened. I am only 16 and way to ignorant of the ways of the world to know what it is but read on.

So the next day I wake up and my family is sitting around the breakfast table for hours, like is typical in my house, then and now. We eat, then we read the paper, we talk, we debate the news stories, we compare the sales, then maybe we eat again. Its the Jewish Italian thing. Both eaters, both talkers I think it is genetic so I go with it.

So I say to my mother "I wish Hubby would come over and take me out" and she is like " Why would he do that" Mind you I have known him for years, he has dated my friend, he has met my parents, and he has never randomly shown up to take me out before. And I am like " I dont know, he drove me home last night and something changed"

So its Sunday and we are in our pjs, eating bagels, listening to loud 50's music, dancing around maybe and there is a knock on the door. PS in those days it wasnt strange for there to be a knock on the door, we didnt have cell phones, instant messaging, text messaging, we just showed up at peoples houses and said hey can you come out?

So its Hubby and I am like Hi Come in and he is like " Do you want to have lunch?" And I am like sure let me get dressed, so I leave him with my parents and I could. That is point #1 in husband material, people. I could leave him talking to my parents and he could carry on an intelligent conversation and they liked him and I felt fine taking 20 minutes to get ready.

So we leave in his Moms Delta 88 and we go to Campus Heroes and it is so comfortable and easy and I order a meatball hero. A meatball hero. Who would order that on a first date? It was a mess, so delicious though and I get a coke that explodes through the straw. But we talk and have a great time and that is how it all began. And that is point #2. Sauce on my face, soda all over, it was still good.

Skip forward 2o years later, our anniversary. We wanted to go to Hawaii but long story about that another time. We have no money and we are big into celebrating, mostly because of the Cancer and we never know how much time we will have. So we meet after work at Ruby Tuesdays and hubby is like I have a surprise for you. So we hang out a little, do some christmas shopping and we leave for my surprise.

Guess what it was? He had gone to Campus Heroes, and had them set it up after they closed for us. My wonderful daughters brought our wedding candle, and cards and flowers and we sat at the same table as we did on our first date and we ate. ( I didnt get a meatball hero, mostly because it is so fattening and 20 years later I do not weigh 117 lbs) It was beyond magical and seriously 20 years later I looked into his eyes and I know that I still love him as much now as I did then. I know the magic lives on. Point #3 in choosing a husband, dont settle for less than this kind of love. It's out there you just need to find it. Someday someone will be a part of you that you dont know how you lived without.

Welcome to my World

I have been blogging for about a year now, for my children. I have captured as many stories as I can remember from their childhood and put them together for when I cant remember things anymore. Think The Notebook.

Now I have started this blog for others to see, so you can share my warped views of the world and see how crazy I really am.

I will post as often as a I can, but until December I am taking 12 credits, including Organic Chem, Abnormal Psych and Human Genetics, as well as selling bears to crazy people. Soooo I may be a little busy, but I will share some of my past posts that only my kids can see.

I find myself very amusing sometimes, if you dont that is ok, but be kind in your commenting.