Nightmares

“Everyone, at some point in their lives, wakes up in the middle of the night with the feeling that they are all alone in the world, and that nobody loves them now and that nobody will ever love them, and that they will never have a decent night’s sleep again and will spend their lives wandering blearily around a loveless landscape, hoping desperately that their circumstances will improve, but suspecting, in their heart of hearts, that they will remain unloved forever. The best thing to do in these circumstances is to wake somebody else up, so that they can feel this way, too.”
Lemony Snicket, Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can’t Avoid

I dont sleep,

Pretty Much Ever.

I always blamed my husbands snoring until I moved into the living room to sleep and realize I dont sleep here either.

I guess not sleeping has some perks.

My kids can never sneak in past curfew.

They come in thinking I am fast asleep but I always have one foot out of dreamland.

Hey how was your night?
Mom what are you doing awake?
I am always kind of awake.

So last night at 4am while I was wide awake I decided to get some water and pee, you know the things regular middle age women do at 4 am.

And I think I actually fell asleep.

And I had a horrible nightmare.

There were birds and raccoons and scary men chasing me.

And I wished I could wake up but I couldnt.

Until I heard my daughter, MOM...
Yeah whats the matter?
I had a terrible nightmare.
Ok come down and lay with me on the couch,

So she starts telling me the scariest dream in the whole world.

And we sit up for awhile and we talk and then we start laughing

And I realize that

Sleep isnt really that important,

Not when my kids might need me.